Yesterday was such a good day. With the sleeping pills I got 8 hours of sleep the night before, and that made me feel so much better. I took a walk in the afternoon and felt relatively energetic. Like I wasn’t the slowest walker in the park, or the sickest looking one. I saw a lot of runners, some of them even wearing shorts in the beautiful fall weather. I can’t wait to run again. I miss it so much. Still, I have this feeling of deep gratitude inside. As I was walking in the park I thought about what could have happened. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I could have ended up with emergency surgery, where part of the intestine has to be removed. Something serious like that could have happened before I even ended up in the hospital. I feel so grateful to be alive. When I came home I had a Get Well card form Tanya, all the way from Australia. It made me so happy! You are seriously too sweet and it made me so happy and even more grateful for everything I still have in my life that is good.
Today is hard. I planned to walk to Emil’s job with him to take copies of some papers I need to send in for the sick-leave. Well, Emil is used to me being healthy and full of energy and I am maybe not good enough at saying “stop, slow down, I am sick”. So instead of just getting me the photocopies, he just had to do some “quick set-ups” first. An hour and a half later I was still sitting by some humming machine, too dizzy to walk home but unable to sit up straight. And Emil was like “So you are not coming to lunch then?” DUH! Do I look like I freaking COULD? I just burst into tears.
He walked me back home. I think he realized it was serious. Since then I have been laying down on the couch all day. Feeling really tired and out of it today. I am eating, eating, eating too. Good, healthy stuff, but also lots of ice cream and cookies. I feel guilty about that. I need to be kind to my stomach. I need to pay attention to what I put into my body. The cortisone is messing up so many hormonal systems, including hunger, so this is not the time to eat on auto-pilot, especially for a former marathoner. But I am giving myself a break today. I am so tired I could just fall over. Too tired for discipline. I will do better tomorrow. Tomorrow *will* be better in many ways, I am sure.
Thank you all for your kind comments. It means so much to me! Love ya.
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4 comments:
:hugs:
i'm glad you're starting to feel more energetic. whenever i have known friends or family who experienced a major illness or health issue, there's always that day when you end up pushing yourself too far. i'm sorry. hopefully tomorrow it will be 3 steps forward :) .
You got the card! I'm glad it made you smile :)
As corny as it sounds, two steps forward and one step back is still one step forward from where you were.
And there is nothing wrong with cookies and ice cream. They are essential "getting better" foods *nods wisely*
you are not a *former* marathoner! you still are a REAL and CURRENT (and i am sure FUTURE) marathoner and one of my favorite ones, too.
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