It s strange, how some days I am so tired and sad and having a really hard time with all of this, and other days I feel much better. I guess I am still healing, both mentally as well as physically. I feel very angry at times. Angry with the universe for making this happen to me. Angry with healthy people not taking care of themselves or complaining of “petty” stuff. Angry with my body for not healing faster or having more energy. Angry with myself for having all these dark, ugly feelings.
I had a couple of really tired days over the weekend, where I was just dragging to get through the day. I had trouble sleeping, so I was in that tired, sleep-walking stage all day. Once the cortisone kicks in after breakfast there is no chance of napping so I can’t catch up on sleep during the day.
The positive stuff:
1.) I still made it to the chocolate exhibition on Sunday and it was amazing! All the local chocolatiers were there and representatives from the best chocolate houses in Europe, introducing their finest chocolates. And you could taste it all! I had been looking forward to it so much, so I was kind of prepared to be disappointed, but I was pleasantly surprised instead. I tasted a lot of different kinds of chocolate and bought a lot. Good stuff is so expensive, though… I had better eat it slowly and savour every bite! :)
I bought:
Dark chocolate with cinnamon from L’Artigiano di Gardini. I love cinnamon *and* dark chocolate, so it was a big hit with me!
Dark chocolate with sea salt and a liquorice note from the same maker, which was excellent. It sounds strange, but apparently that is very trendy in the chocolate business right now!
I also got a couple of interesting flavors from Delfin that came in small (30g/~1 oz) tasting bars:
Milk chocolate w/ Konacha green tea from Japan
Milk chocolate w/ chai spices from India
Dark chocolate w/lavender from Provence
Milk chocolate w/green tea and jasmine from Marocco
(The chai one was amazing, and I also like the Moroccan one with jasmine a lot. I haven’t tasted the lavender one yet, maybe tonight.)
A pistachio-marsipan cigar with dark chocolate from Bräutigrams, a local chocolatier.
And six lovely truffles from Fröknarna Kanolds, another local chocolatier. I tried to be brave with the flavors and tried among others “Goat cheese and pine nut” and “Chilli and Saffron”. I am not a big fan of chilli fruits in chocolate, but the goat cheese worked, much to my surprise!
I am sitting here now, trying to *not* think about how I have all this delicious chocolate within reach…
2.) I got my hair cut yesterday and it looks nice. I am still not looking like myself, but I try to work with what I have…
3.) I am down another 5 mg on the daily cortisone dose this week.
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7 comments:
Wow that chocolate sounds amazing!
I'm sorry you have had a tough couple days. I hope the next few are easier.
Wow, I think every city in the world needs a chocolate festival like that *drool* I really admire your willpower - I'm the one that never has any chocolate left the day after Easter because I've already eaten it all!
My heart really goes out to you and Emil :( I really hope that you're able to heal so that you guys can start a family.
Congratulations on your "wog"! Getting out there and moving and seeing all the autumn colours sounds wonderful :)
Thinking about you Jenny. Ed and I have been chatting about you hoping that you are starting to feel better.
It sounds like you are having a tought time and I am sorry about the baby blues. I know that you and Emil wil be great parents and look forward to the day that you guys get all of these challenges figured out and are able to start your family. Our dear friend who has Chrone's has a daughter who just made it into Princeton this past fall. She couldn't have been more proud!
The chocolate sounds great and I hope that you continue to get the opportunity to enjoy it!
Much love,
Kelly and Ed
holy crap, that chocolate sounds fabulous! my favorite chocolate i've had is a swiss one called "christmas chocolate". i believe it's a milk chocolate with cinnamon. it's so amazing! i'm glad you were able to make it to the exhibition!
i'm sorry that you have to sort through such sad and dark feelings right now. perhaps there is a book out there that could help you. well, what i mean is that your feelings sound like they are natural and the kind of thing that is addressed in support groups. you strike me as someone that would really enjoy a good book devoted to addressing and explaining the kind of emotions you're going through. i'm kind of thinking out loud, so i'm not sure if that makes sense, but maybe it's worth a shot.
Beth - Usually after a couple of tired days I have a couple of days of feeling better, so I hope so to. I am about to try for another "wog" today, so hopefully that will be nice too!
Tanya - Well, I have to admit that last night I ate *quite* a lot of chocolate. As well as tree cinnamon rolls. And two chocolate cookies. And an ice cream stick. Ooops! So, yeah, I do not have any willpower at all! :embarrassed:
Kel - It is always comforting to hear about other people living and doing well with Crohn's. :) I read bout your busy week ahead - have fun and don't forget to breathe!
Rose - We must have posted at the same time!
I have been thinking about that too - I mean there must be tons of books out there for people going through this type of thing. And just as with any major life change there is probably a similar way that you work through these things and several stages that you go through like denial, anger, guilt, sadness, acceptance etc. I will look into your suggestion, as I think it would be very helpful to read about it and actively work through it rather than just letting it fill me up and then be ashamed of those emotions. :love:
And do you know what? I got your package today! It made me cry (happy tears) and I have to say you are the sweetest person ever! I am about to head out for a "wog" now and when I get back I will curl up with the candle and the beautiful journal. I am sure that will make for a very nice evening! Thank you SO much!
Oh my .. that chocolate sounds amazing. I am sorry you are having a rough day. I'll read through the blog after work today, but I wanted to send my love.
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