With a risk of being repetitive – I love to be able to enjoy all things in life again. Not being in the hospital rocks! Getting to eat food rocks! Being able to move around rocks! I have never appreciated being healthy this much before. I feel very grateful.
But I feel a bit scared that it will all be taken away again soon, so I feel like *I had better enjoy it when I can*. I also know that it will be very hard for me to motivate myself to go back on the cortisone again. I would have to be feverish and seriously ill (we are talking ill enough to risk emergency surgery here) to want to do that. I hate that drug.
I know myself well enough to know that I would be very hesitant to contact my doctor about a flare-up if I knew that it meant another seven weeks on high doses of cortisone. I’d rather end up in the emergency room and have a hospital stay every second year than treat myself with these doses several times a year if that is what it comes down to. I couldn’t even cook, much less drive or work or in any way function semi-normally until the dose came down to below 15 mg/day.
At the same time I know that I need to do what is safe and take care of my body. I just doubt that being a shaky mess who feels like crap several times a year is a way to live. I am going up to see my doctors on Monday and I need to talk to them about this. I really, really hope they have something else to say to me than basically to “suck it up, this will be your life from now on”.
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2 comments:
Congrats on being off the cortisone babe and good luck with the doctor on Monday.
Kelly
good luck with your appointment monday and congrats on getting off the cortisone.
i was going to post exactly what kelly had until i saw that she had already posted it, so i inverted my version of the sentence :p .
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