Sugar addict

My name is Jenny and I am a sugar addict. Admitting it is the first step to recovery, I have heard.
My “drug of choice” is sugar. Any other stimulant I can think of I can do without, but a world without ice cream, chocolate and caramel seems empty and barren to me.
Nicotine – Although I once liked it I quit years ago. And I’d never start again. Ever.
Alcohol – Nah, it just makes me dizzy and tired.
Caffeine – Nah again, I prefer de-caffeinated or I’ll stick to tea. I don’t need the jittery buzz.
Illicit substances – Nah, anything that should be smoked will make me cough. And the other stuff I’d be too scared to even try. I don’t trust bathtub pharmacists.
But put me next to the candy bars in the supermarket when grocery shopping on low blood sugar before dinner and I’ll literally start shaking. I’ll salivate and fantasize about ripping the bags open and just shove the lovely, sugary stuff into my mouth. Being the well-behaved adult that I am I will not do that, but I can definitely emphasize with the kid throwing tantrums in the line next to me.

When I talked with the dietician at the hospital she mentioned that many patients with UC and Crohns eat large amounts of sugar because it is easy to absorb, even when your intestine is irritated and your uptake is lowered. If I wasn’t so pale from not eating for a week I would have blushed. She calculated that I needed about 3000-3500 kcal/day with my marathon training at the time. For healthy people it is fine to have 500-1000 of those as what she called “discretionary calories” from ice cream and candy since you get all the nutrients from the rest of your food and you need extra carbs to fuel the running. I’d live by that. At least twice a week I’d down more than 300g (~3/4 lb) mixed candies and most night a couple of brownies and a bowl of ice cream. But it turns out that large amounts of sugar are not good for people with inflammatory bowel diseases. It may provide you with the calories you so desperately need but it also worsens the inflammation and causes over growth of the wrong kind of intestinal bacteria. I hung my head in shame. And swore to better myself.

But damn, it is hard. I will probably never be satisfied with just one piece of chocolate. But I can at least try to not eat the whole bar every day of the week. So from now on we have set some rules. We can have a normal sized treat every day, like a cinnamon roll or an ice cream sandwich or a couple of cookies. But the huge candy bowls are reserved for Saturdays. The first week was a real struggle but now I am doing better. I still need Emil to hide any leftover candy or I’d devour it when he wasn’t looking, but I am not shaking with want anymore.
I don’t know if it is the lower mileage and the fact that I don’t need as many calories every day now, but I am not craving sugar as much when I eat less of it.

I am not sure what will happen when I run 50-60 mpw again, though. Will I be able to resist it then too? I don’t know. I guess it is “one day at a time”, right?