Reclaiming my life

After pouring out all my uncensored inner darkness in the last couple of post, the last days have been much better. I have been sleeping more, which makes me feel more awake and energetic during the day. I feel more like myself. I am still very tired and nowhere near my old energy levels yet, but I feel like I am gradually reclaiming my life.

Wogging is a huge part of that. When I get my tights and running shoes on and head out to the park I feel like the Jenny I used to be. Most days I can probably walk was fast as I wog, but the bouncy movement of jogging makes me happy and relaxed in a way walking doesn’t do for me. On Friday we had a storm coming in from the North Sea and I headed out the door before it would hit us. It was already windy and soon it started to rain. It was a “bad weather” day but I couldn’t be happier. I jogged my old recovery-loop without taking walking breaks! My heart rate is way out there because of the cortisone and all the inactivity, so although I was slow as molasses it was like a tempo run for me, judging by HR. I rested yesterday and today I will get out there again for another wog or jog, depending on how I feel. Just being able to wog/jog/run again makes me so much happier and feels like a huge accomplishment. Wooho!

I have also been able to incorporate some new foods: lentils, pomegranates and oranges. This means that now I can eat almost anything I want again! I seem to be tolerating the new medication just fine so far, and today is the last day with three cortisone pills. Tomorrow I am down to just two pills, with only two more weeks on the cortisone!

I have regained a couple of pounds and I feel more at home in my body, at last. I am still much weaker than before and it will take a while to muscle up again, but I no longer feel like my body belongs to some other girl. It is my body, and I will take care of it and treat it well.

In general, I will treat myself with kindness. I will try to not be so hard on myself and so self-critical. I have been so hard on myself, looking down on myself for being weak and sad and almost feeling like less of a person because of his illness. I wouldn’t treat any other people that way, so why do it to me? I will work actively on not treating myself that way either.

Now it is time to head out for my Sunday wog! The sun is shining and it is a bright, cold fall day. Later we plan on lunch at a cute Italian café and maybe a walk in the city. It is such a nice Sunday, and it makes me happy to be able to be out there enjoying it again!